I was at the store and saw many men buying chocolates, flowers, and stuffed animals. As a lady that will be married 24 years on May 1st, it warmed my soul, but if I am to be completely honest it horrified me as well. I can recall a day when I was expecting my husband to buy me, remember me, and think of me on Valentine’s Day. If he just got it that day it was “not enough”, what am I a last-minute thought!
Some hard truth I have learned in life is expectations and demands will cause you more heartache than anything a good mate says or does ever will. But Angela, isn’t it important that your significant other think of you and buys you gifts on special occasions? My response to that question as a coach is to ask you this question. How do you feel when you believe that?
My personal experience was when I choose to believe, that he should want to buy me and think of me, it never created peace. It gave me more reason to compare my husband to others. I felt like I was missing out on something not because I was, but because I had an idea that I deserved something else. It caused me pain, and the interesting thing was that it was something I could challenge and decide to believe differently if I wanted to.
Let me paint you a picture.
If your partner enters the home and says to you. The house is a mess. How do you react to that? They didn’t say you have to pick up the mess or imply that you made it they might be just making a statement. Would you find yourself replying to this statement like this? “What do you mean the house is a mess, I have been busy”. Or how about like this, “you know it kind of is messy, if you want you can clean it up or we can plan a day to pick it up together”? What reply feels more empowering to you? In the second one you didn’t take ownership of their expression, you took ownership of your reply.
Inquire and Request
Making inquiries will feel better than having an expectation and giving a request will be more enjoyable than stating a demand. When demands and expectations are left at the door you can enter with inquiry and request. Remembering you both have free will and I wouldn’t want someone to take that away from me, would you?
The most empowering thing that I can show my client is that they have the power in how they respond. They get to decide at that moment if they are the villain or the challenger if they will be the victim or the creator. This is not overnight, a wave of the magic wand, and poof life becomes easier. This is a get it wrong and get messy then do it again later and try something different. As your coach, I will help you navigate this and make sense of it all. Reach out and book your free discovery call today.