Having poor Boundaries is a behavior that Co-Dependents can portray. One way this behavior can manifest is as communication issues. I want to explore how being clear about yourself and coming from a place of integrity can make all the difference when forming clear boundaries.
The definition of Integrity is doing what you believe to be right no matter what others think or say, or if others will ever see or witness it. When I think of Integrity, I think of being true to yourself, and knowing what you Value. To discover what you truly value based on Integrity explore all areas of your life, including your relationships with family, in your career and community, and spiritual self.
Creating a boundary when you are unclear about what you value in your life can show up as making demands or stating ultimatums. Finding yourself holding different expectations for individuals in your life can wreak havoc on all your relationships, including the one with yourself.
One example of holding a value for yourself is being open to interacting with people that see things differently than you, without expecting them to be like you. Having this value, you might listen when you don’t agree, ask questions, and remain curious while being open to seeing it a different way. You stay in the room, engage in the conversation and maybe you don’t agree, but you appreciate them sharing their perspective. There are no boundary violations as you are showing up with Integrity; integrity for holding your boundary and integrity for respecting their opinion. If you find yourself reacting in spiteful ways as you are wanting to persuade or prove your point, you might need to reword this value and find what resonates with you.
Deciding not to engage with those who see things differently as you because you know yourself well creates a clear boundary based on what you value. This could mean you value your time and only engage in conversation with relationships that matter to you. If someone you disagree with enters a room and they engage in conversation you don’t agree with, you can excuse yourself. That is a clear boundary and you are coming from a place of self-integrity.
If you are open to engaging with one person and not others based on a judgment, you might be engaging in making exceptions; return to what you value. This is something I explore when coaching clients. Just be aware that doing this can blur your boundaries causing you to pull back and feel as though a boundary was violated. Understand that values can change as you grow in your own self-awareness.
Baby steps are key to your personal growth. Start with values that resonate with you. Do not force a value thinking it is what you should believe based on others’ perceptions. Forcing a value is not coming from a place of Integrity; it might be based on socially acceptable norms. That will not create Leading Lady Behaviors; a Leading Lady leads, even if it’s on her own path. As your coach, I can help you find clarity in your values as it comes from a place of Integrity. Ready to grow in Integrity? Reach out, and let’s get your Coaching session scheduled.