A Dr. Dryer Lesson
The 7 principles that Dr. Dryer shares in his book Excuses Begone, are wonderful and thought-provoking. He explores the idea of belief and the power our brain has when it comes to believing in something. He also discusses how our surroundings help us in creating beliefs, which he calls the biology of belief. Here is an excerpt from his book:
“Have you ever wanted to change some facet of your personality, but another part of you insisted that this is impossible because your genetic programming is responsible for how you think, feel, and behave? … This part means to be helpful-but while it probably wants to protect you from the disappointments of failure, it keeps you stuck in an excuse-driven life. Using the excuse of genetic programming not to do anything about the personal characteristic that you dislike is popular and acceptable to today’s culture”.
His book is still relevant today
Dr. Dryer wrote this book in 2009. Here we are 10 years later, and this couldn’t be more true. I get stuck on this and find myself justifying my actions instead of changing the thoughts that are driving me to believe this or that. The more I have explored the working of the human brain the more I realize that the design of the brain is amazing. How else could humans have survived for so long unless we made sure to protect, forge, and be so very cautious? If we were just full of happiness and peace we would have died a long time ago, in a cold dark cave being happy and peaceful. Now with so many advances at our fingertips and society providing us with “ease,” we have to take the time to step back, examine our thoughts, and redirect ourselves.
Here are 3 reasons we stay in the cave.
1. Getting it right
Getting things right is a thought we buy into and believe in. It might have been right yesterday but today things can change. What you know today will change tomorrow and change a lot if you choose to grow. Finish it today so you can learn from it, and move forward.
2. I’m not ready
This thought will keep us in our cave and actually, we will find busy work to make us think we are moving forward. When I have it all figured out I will then do this. Believing we will do it when we are ready. It is fear that is making you believe you are not ready. Ready only happens when you do and growth occurs as you do. Decide to be ready to grow and then you can believe you are always ready.
3. As soon as They Tell Me
Other people are a great cop-out. I know I have used other people many times in my plethora of excuses. When they do this, I’m waiting on that, I can’t because of them, it just sounds so valid because I can’t do my part until they do theirs. What can I do, what questions do I need to ask them, and how can I be clear and move forward with or without their agreement, approval, or input?
4 questions that help.
In each example I gave you can find these questions that follow can help you find your way out.
1. What am I comparing myself or others to and how can I turn to connection verse comparison?
2. What is it that I am predicting would happen if I do this wrong and how can I find possibilities instead?
3. What obstacles are in my way and what will be the solutions that I can implement?
4. How am I being judgmental of myself or others and what could I think to be curious instead?
Humans are Amazing!
I have so much to learn and grow to create more thoughts that serve me and help me love the person I am. One of Dr. Dryer’s sayings that I keep close when I get stuck in my thoughts and ways is “When you have the choice between being right or being kind, just choose kind.”
So be kind to yourself and enjoy the person you are now, and be hopeful for the person you are becoming.