Angela Dryden

Certified Life Coach

Why Blaming, Confusion and self-sabotaging are keeping you stuck

Once you choose to observe yourself in your unawareness it can be like driving past a car accident. You don’t want to look, in fear that you will see something horrible, but then your curiosity gets the best of you, and you look. When observing your disbelief, it is normal to push away and not want to see it. Yet, there is that part in you that is pulling you in and saying look and you will see.   

We are constantly changing and evolving as we live life. We can find ourselves so involved with the daily task we lose ourselves to the value of just being us and not having to do us. When a change comes into our lives we can think, this is not normal, why is this happening, something has gone wrong. When those thoughts arise, I have three concepts I want to share with you that will help you work through this kind of thinking.

Am I Blaming others for what has happened?

The blame game happens in life and I have blamed things outside of me many times. When you find yourself feeling stuck and can see that you are blaming something or someone you can ask yourself these questions. How is blaming something or someone serving me? Do I just need to sit and observe that I am doing this? Do I need to pause and allow myself to feel this? Am I ready to move forward and look for a solution within myself? When it all comes down to it, we know we can only change ourselves. Blaming what is outside of you could distract you from observing yourself. To feel different might require you to change a thought that you have had for a long time.

I’m confused and need more information.

We are blessed with information at our fingertips. The only problem is that when we are not taking the time to manage our thinking, we can easily allow the internet to think for us. The internet offers us how to lose weight, how to have a better marriage, and how to find the right job. Just search for it and poof, we have answers. Now I don’t want to sound like a negative internet person, I mean seriously, you have found this article via the internet. When you are believing you need to take the next course to learn how to _____, here is my suggestion. Do it, apply what you learned, and observe the results, before going on to the next idea. Be truthful with yourself, did you apply it, and have you observed it? If you get defensive or try to over-explain or justify your actions that is a sign that you might not be truthful with yourself.

Am I self-sabotage and not following through with the plans I made?  

Self-sabotage can be tricky. Because there are many good reasons to do something. Let’s say you calendared something for work, and it’s important but not mandatory as it could help you get that promotion. Then your friend calls and says let’s go out for drinks. You tell yourself I have been working hard, it won’t matter if I miss. Then you go out for drinks with a friend. Later down the road, your cubical mate that was at the optional meeting gets the promotion and you don’t. Spending time with friends or time at work are just choices. Be careful, as you might start to blame or decide you are confused as to why you were overlooked.

Become the Observer of your Thinking

The problem from Blaming, confusion, or self-sabotage is when we think that our thinking was not the problem but the situation was. That is when you have the opportunity to stop and observe situations where you might be unaware of your disbelief.   

Becoming an observer is the first step in seeing how we might be unaware of our disbelief. Trying to be on to yourselves can be challenging because our minds are so nimble and well-adjusted to our ideas and ways of being. Staying aware and cultivating that awareness takes practice and it is something that you have to invest time and effort into. If you found this article insightful and it got you thinking reach out to me. I help my clients develop their awareness skills. Reading the information is great and when you are ready to apply it on a personal level, reach out to me and find out what coaching with me is all about.


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