The last three behaviors are ones that have everything to do with how you see yourself. As a Co-dependent we spend a lot of our time focused on others leaving us very little to no time focusing on ourselves. These three behaviors are Low Self Esteem, Problem with Intimacy, and Painful Emotions. As we begin to understand that life balance is the awareness of the imbalance, we see it as a dance rather than a destination. There is a season for everything, and the seasons should always include time for you to sit, be still, and love who you are becoming.
The interesting thing about Low Self Esteem is we all experience it. Even those who are extremely confident struggle with “feeling worthy.” In order to exchange a low self for a confident self, you will have to decide to be open to feeling discomfort. We gain Confidence through growth as no one has it or doesn’t have it; it just develops as we experience life. What we decide to make of those experiences makes the difference in how we feel about the outcome of them. Remember, we don’t choose our circumstances, but we can choose what we think about them. Next time you have a disagreement with a loved one ask yourself how you wish to perceive this and what would I need to think to make it so.
You might have a Problem with Intimacy if a loved one touches you and you find yourself cringing with thoughts like, “What do they want?”? By having such questions, you are building a wall, brick by brick, that is hurting you and could be hurting others. Having a love hate relationship with intimacy is a very internal and personal thing. That is why I want to offer you to replace this behavior with Vulnerability. Being vulnerable with yourself can improve your intimate moments. Whether it’s a hug from a friend or family member, questioning yourself and being open to yourself can help you explore what’s going on for you. Receiving a hug and kiss when you feel worthy and open to it is a beautiful thing and one that everyone could choose to experience.
This next behavior is one that parallels the previous one, however, it does deserve its own space as one of the Twelve. Painful Emotions can feel real as our mind doesn’t distinguish between real or fake. One thing I have personally experienced in my growth as one with co-dependent behaviors is that as I developed vulnerability, painful emotions came to the surface and I was in a place where I could open up to the possibility of moving through them.
Painful emotions are common to a co-dependent. The emphasis they put on themselves to be happy all the time can bury emotions that don’t leave. Taking on the behavior of courage can open your mind to process these emotions instead of ignoring them.
Growing through the process of viewing situations in life as impossible to possible and even inevitable is absolutely amazing. As you tackle each behavior and exchange it for another, believing it is possible, you unlock the door to transformative relationships. Exchanging Low Self-Esteem to Self-Confidence, Problem with Intimacy to Vulnerability, and Painful Emotions to taking on Courage, the thoughts and emotions you choose to have about yourself will blossom.
You will experience a range of many emotions and I want you to know that as your coach, I will walk beside you through these processes. Many obstacles will arise as you begin to replace one behavior with another. By building on thoughts that will produce useful behaviors and habits, you can open yourself up to new paths with unlimited possibilities. Remember once you have that awakening the thought of returning to old behaviors becomes a distant memory as your new habits create more thriving relationships with yourself and others.