As my business coach and I were enjoying a coffee at a local coffee shop, he asked me a question, one which I can’t remember exactly, but do remember how I answered him. I told him that my goal in life, now, is to live so that I could not just be liked, but also respected. Side note, as a coach it’s not always what you say, or what questions you ask, to the client that is the most important, it is more about what they gain from the conversation. For my part, Being liked was not hard for me. I believe it is because I genuinely like people, all people, and they notice this. I try to live in pure love for others, no judgment, and it has served me well.
When I think of respect I think of the elderly, educated scholars and people that have been through their own trials and have come out on top in some way or another. However, a higher form of respect was in my mind at that time. For example, there are people I truly disagree with; maybe I don’t appreciate their demeanor and tone but their work ethic, and directness and candor will earn my respect even when we can’t see eye to eye. They listened to me, I listened to them and we leave on healthy ground.
The gravity of the thought, “I am tired of just being liked, I want to be respected too” was, and is, huge for me. It feels good to hear people say, “Angela Dryden is such a nice person”, “Angela is so thoughtful”, “Angela seems to get along with everyone”. Yes, and thank you. Hearing others say those things feels really good and I am grateful. But, then I question myself, “am I being my true self?” “Am I willing to give an opinion, and if someone doesn’t agree with it, could I walk away with grace and still be respected?
In his book, Start with Why, author Simon Sinek compares Energy vs Charisma which explains far better than I can the concept of wanting respect over just being liked. “Charisma has nothing to do with Energy; it comes from a clarity of Why. It comes from absolute conviction in an idea bigger than oneself. Energy, in contrast, comes from a good night sleep or lots of caffeine. Energy can excite. But only charisma can inspire. Charisma commands loyalty. Energy does not.”
This is exactly what I was looking for and am working on creating in my life; clarity in Why, being bigger than oneself, and inspiring and commanding loyalty. Well put Simon! This is just a few sentences, in this page turning book. For this and many other beautiful insights I recommend reading his book.
Thank you, Simon Sinek.