What Character are you portraying?

When I think of a leading lady, I think of a woman that shows up as cool, calm and collected. You want to be around her, she makes you smile, and you feel so at ease with her. Does she have a spell on you? Is there some witchery going on? Would you believe that the reasons you feel those things are not because of anything she is or is not doing? Maybe, it has everything to do with what you are choosing to think about her.

Let’s explore the possibility that relationships might be as easy or as challenging as we think they are. Is it possible that in order to change a relationship you just have to change your perspective?  

There are many roles we can find ourselves playing in our lives when we are choosing not to be the leading lady. I want to explore three general relationships roles we may find ourselves portraying. Keep in mind anyone can fall into these roles.

The first role is what I call the “Everything is fine,” role; you know…the person who portrays nothing is ever wrong. There is nothing to worry about and there is nothing to get to excited about—they are just fine, or so they say.  No real opinion.

Another role is the “I am doing what I want” role. This person feels they have been wronged in some fashion and no one is ever going to do them wrong again. They feel sometimes entitled and that they have every right to do what they want to and need never explain or apologize for themselves.

The last role I want to talk about is the “I don’t care, whatever you want” role. This person is always complying and denying oneself. They put on a smile and act like they are ready to help at a moment’s notice. Yet, they feel resentful at times and are usually carrying around emotions of exhaustion and of being overwhelmed.

Can you see yourself at times in your life in any of these roles? Have you said, “everything is fine,” when it wasn’t?  Have you done what you want and never thought of how it might affect someone else? Have you thought, “I don’t care, whatever you want” and was feeling resentful while doing it?  Taking a moment to truly see yourself in these roles can help you see how others can be portraying these roles too. 

Think of a relationship that you find difficult.

What are you thinking when you see that person walk in the room?

Think of a relationship you enjoy.

What are you thinking when you see this person walk into the room?

Recognize the difference between the two, and then look at yourself and see how you can see parts of you in the thoughts you had about the difficult and enjoyable relationship.

Portraying all the roles discussed above is part of the human experience we live; nothing is wrong here. It is when we find moments of awareness in the relationships we have, and have had, that we can find little nuggets of knowledge about ourselves if we are open to it and grow.

Many relationships are just reflections for us and can help you in becoming a leading lady. Cultivating awareness of those reflections, embracing them all, and being willing to view all the thoughts that arises from all relationships will help you in achieving your Leading lady role.